I'm pretty sure I have depression?
Everything around me and about me is pretty depressing.
My sister had a baby at 17, she still lives with us and shes 26. When she was 18, she smoked cigarettes and got addicted and went on a drug addicted life, trying multiple drugs such as meth.
She passed highschool while she was pregnant and just NOW started going to college. But it may be too late, she has so much on her record. Such as mis demeanors etc.
My brother smokes weed, which also had me smoking last year because I thought it was normal.
He didn't pass highschool he dropped out in 11th grade so he can work. my mom didn't get past 9th grade. I have no dad. I'm poor, I never had a girlfriend and well my family is very dysfunctional. All I do is go on the computer and weekly go out with friends.
Because I go to this thing called desert sands where I go once a week for 1 hour. I went because I have a lot of social anxiety and it kills me inside to be at school. I'm always frightened I'm going to say something stupid or do something embarrassing. I can't even sneeze because I'll think I did it amusing or it's embarrassing.
And I don't know what it is about school. it feels so shitty, I always feel tired, I always feel like I'm not myself. At school I can never be myself 24/7 and it's like I have a different personality.
earlier in school since like 6th grade I used to get punked. it stopped in 7th grade, but that's because I became a fake pothead and tried to fit in but I changed in 8th grade and then on I got punked extremely bad everyday. in 6th grade – 7th I used to cry myself to sleep. the only good thing about my life was I was addicted to RuneScape. that game was like a drug, I forgot about everything when I played it. I'd be stuck on it all day and I'd be in another world.
And nowadays, I'm not always depressed. it has gotten better but every 2 days or so, I'll be very sad sometimes for a whole week. I get mad very easily,I get sad easily, I get frustrated SO simple and start sweating.
The only times I feel euphoria is for about 5 minutes a day then one little thing happens and it ruins it.
When I smoke weed it feels like it's what is missing in my life like it "completes me" it makes me think positively and I think of suicide or something and think about how it would be bad to do.
And when I was younger I was suicidal and the only thing that kept me from it was going to hell, and how everyone around me would feel.
I highly recommend getting yourself checked out by a professional. you cant self diagnose depression, but if you have it, the doctors'll help you find a way to get better.
I have depresion or wtf u spell it like u need to go to a theripist or phycologist… Talk to a school counsler
yeah I think you do too. you don't have to feel perennial depression for it to count. i have social anxiety too (no joke, no exaggeration – it seems a lot of people have it these days. i guess it's the education that's working and people are recognizing it) and i know that would really inhibit you from getting real life help.
i'll be honest with you – there is nothing on EARTH that will help you with the hopelessness you've described to feel. people and like might not come (i'm sorry to be a pessimist) because of your anxiety and depression. BUT – you might not like this – i think spirituality really helps. nothing on earth will help, but if you can find some kind of religion or philosophy that really clicks with YOU then it'll make a huge difference in the way you think, and I'm saying this as a depressive and a social phobic as well, because it's worked on me (i'm in no way completely better but it's working) and changing your cognitive processes would obviously uproot your depression and anxiety (for example buddhism deals with this directly. i don't consider myself buddhist but it's really helped!).
but if you can get everything into perspective, it really helps.
cause here's the way I try to see it: it's really just society getting us down. being caught up in and involved in and trapped in fixed ideologies and norms, and we don't really think too much about it. we think that's the way life is, but that's the way our societies have brought us up. if you can at least spiritually traverse those limits then you will feel so much better. really, when I thought about it, it made me kind of mad that society takes me into it without really asking me and then makes me depressed.
really, it's the result of your environment that caused you to rely on weed. if you had been given a better lifestyle from the beginning, you could have been a much more pleased person. so don't allow it to restrain you… if you're dependent on the local grocery stores then that's fine, but at least SPIRITUALLY try to find some sanctum – it'll change your life if you really try, I promise.